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Gay couple will be loving parents, says mum

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    Gay couple will be loving parents, says mum - 25-Jan-2009
    An Auckland woman soon to give birth to a surrogate baby for two gay Australian men is excited to help a loving couple become parents, regardless of their gender.

    "One of the nicest things was I've had a letter in the mail from [the biological father's] mother telling me how loved this child will be and how they can't put into words what I've done for their family."

    The 35-year-old single mum has a 10-year-old son to a former relationship and has been keen since then to have a baby for a couple unable to have their own children.

    "I think some people can do it and some can't."

    After failing to find anyone needing a surrogate among friends and family, she googled the subject and found the New Zealand surrogacy website, nz-surrogacy.com, where surrogates and intended parents could meet online.

    She talked to several heterosexual New Zealand couples about being their surrogate but nothing worked out.

    Eventually, she was asked if she'd consider being a surrogate for a gay couple from Sydney.

    "I'd always preferred a heterosexual New Zealand couple." However, they spoke on the phone and immediately clicked with the mother.

    "I think we've got similar philosophies and backgrounds. They were right I just knew."

    While surrogacy laws are under review in Australia, it is illegal in many states, unlike in New Zealand. The couple had considered using a surrogate in America, where commercial surrogacy is legal, if they couldn't find one closer to home.

    One of the men is the biological father and came to New Zealand three times last year, using artificial insemination with a syringe to impregnate her.

    She admits it is more complicated being a surrogate for gay men and has had some negative remarks from people, but is happy with her choice.

    "My father's a bit reluctant I'm having a baby for a gay couple. I didn't choose a gay couple, but I had to find the right couple and they were the ones for me.

    "It's been good for [my son] to spend time with the boys too. He loves them to pieces."

    The couple, both first-time dads, have read up about gay parenting and plan to maintain contact after the baby's handed over.

    They have booked to come to New Zealand in about two weeks' time, 10 days before her due date, in case she delivered early, "but they think they can get here within seven hours if it happens sooner".

    They will stay at a private Auckland birthing unit for the birth, and the surrogate plans to hand over care immediately after the birth.

    The fathers will spend the following few weeks in a serviced apartment with their son while guardianship and other legal matters are finalised in court so they can take him home to Australia.

    "I sign over day-to-day parenting rights but in the eyes of the law a mother can never sign over their rights, which is hard for [the fathers]."

    One of her conditions is no day care.

    "I can't see the point of having a baby for people then it's just put in daycare."

    The baby boy's father plans to take three months' leave from his nursing job to care for their newborn but later will return to shift work. However, the baby will be almost entirely cared for by either dad after that, apart from one day a week when his grandmother will look after him.

    Seeing the excitement of impending parenthood has given the Auckland surrogate great pleasure.

    Photographs of their son's bedroom in Sydney show it beautifully decked out, ready for the new arrival.

    However, she knows finally handing over her surrogate son will be tough.

    "I know there will be hormones and possibly tears. I know the hardest will be when they go back to Australia."

    But she and her 10-year-old son hope to visit the couple and baby in Australia about three months after the birth.

    And the couple have mentioned hopes of her having a sibling for their son, which she is considering.
    Ref: - Sunday Star Times


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